"The Revolution Will Not Be Televised"...but we'll catch it on Live.

Everyday I envy those who are comfortable enough to share themselves with the world. I'm not even talking about celebrities, or public figures on youtube or anyone with a big platform. I mean regular people who have the confidence to post a status on their fb about any mundane thing that happens in their life. Normal people who can just exist in the open, and can post opinions without thinking twice about it. They are comfortable with showing the world who they are. I am not.

The other day I got the question "what is something that most people don't know about you?" and I was taken aback because all I could think was "everything". I don't purposely "keep" anything from anyone, I just don't share anything at all either.

So when I have something to say, I typically agonize over every aspect of it until I eventually decide it's not worth saying at all.

So about the revolution...

I have shit to say, and originally I was going to try to make a fb status. Then that got too hard, so I decided I was going to try and write a post up here about it. Then that got too hard so I tried to make a video expressing my thoughts because I knew that if I sat here to try and write it all out, I likely would get overwhelmed and wouldn't end up saying anything. So I recorded 2 videos and I still wasn't happy. So here I am again, trying to write it out because damnit I can't let this thought go unsaid this time!

It is officially June 3rd 2020, and I just participated in the June 2nd "Blackout day" to show support and solidarity in the fight against police brutality and the black lives matter movement. Tbh...idk if it is even accurate to call it those things, this is a whole ass revolution at this point, so I am just going to refer to it as such. So yesterday I changed my profile pics to a black square and I got off of all social media, and I didn't stream youtube or buy anything all day in observance of the blackout day. I get back on Instagram and Facebook around midnight, and what I saw was an onslaught of people on the same side of the revolution attacking, and berating those that took part in the blackout day because as it turns out - maybe it wasn't the best idea. People are presenting arguments that you shouldn't have taken part in it because what we want to hear right now are black voices speaking up, and that we should want to see only examples of what is going on in the protests and the movement right now nothing else. The idea that "going silent" and using certain hashtags only actually silences the voices we are meant to hear right now. Something about it all being a tool to shut us up.

So I see all that and I'm like - Damn...did we fuck up?

Sure, maybe it wasn't the bESt thing to do....but NO, we didn't fuck up. What IS kinda fucked up, is the amount of backlash we've gotten for it.

Hear me out.

I am tired of seeing time and energy being wasted by "correcting" and invalidating actions and messages made by people fighting on the same side.

So....

- or what we need to stop.

Great points were made, maybe the idea of the blackout didn't serve it's purpose well. But this is a revolution, and things are happening SO fast. Not everyone can think through all of the implications of an idea when it's made. The beauty of social media and the internet today is that so many different ideas and points of view can be shared quickly, and that is amazing. But in this fight it makes it harder to present a unified front, especially when the movement is asking that we ACT and act quickly.

When I saw the blackout day trend I thought - great! I can do that, I can change my picture to a black square and get off of social media, that is something positive that I can do. Right now all of us are trying to do the best we can, and unfortunately some people don't have the capacity to do as much as others.

So talking about myself. I am a Black, Native American, Hispanic, Woman. The system is not designed for me to be heard, but further....I have an INCREDIBLY hard time speaking up. I've never been loud. I'm depressed and anxious and generally just fucking uncomfortable with life.

I'm the kid in the back of the classroom who has the right answer but is too afraid to raise their hand.

I daresay there are A LOT of people who feel that. Yet we are continuously blasted by the message that if you are silent, you are against us. I get it, there is no such thing as neutral, and this is not the time for silence. But if you keep picking on the silent kids, they are never going to work up the courage to speak their mind. There is too much pressure and attention being put on them. Speaking for myself, I went dayyyys feeling like shit because I couldn't figure out what the perfect thing to say to express myself would be. A lot of us are scared shitless of saying the wrong thing, and when things are happening so fast - one minute one thing is the right thing to say - the next it's not. Take the blackout as an example of that. Of course there are statements that are always the right thing to say that will never be wrong. We could simply post BLACK LIVES MATTER to show our solidarity and that statement can't ever be torn apart. But then if we just do that, there will be people saying that it's not enough. Or we in our anxious minds will think "what if I waited too long...what if people call me out for not saying something sooner". SO then we want to make sure that what we do say, when we finally say it - is perfect and profound and indisputable.

Bitch, i'm here to tell y'all it's legitimately HAAAARD for some of us. Some of us have our own battles and road blocks that we have to overcome. Like I said - we are depressed, we're anxious, we're processing. For now i'd like to suggest to everyone that it is enough for people to simply react to whats going on. It is enough to "like", and "heart" posts and messages that we agree with and "angry react" to things we don't. In time people will find their voice - it does not make them the enemy.

I know it seems like it should be SO easy to share things, and speak up like everyone else but I promise y'all it's not that easy for some of us. So, I'm not saying that we quiet kids should be exempt from presenting our class projects. But I'm asking for everyone to have some patience and to take the spotlight off of us to give us some space. Show some tolerance for those that may not have found the confidence to join the fight in any way deemed "acceptable' or "enough" yet. Rage on against the clear enemies out here defending the cops.

I've been quiet but I do have a lot to share, I am just too afraid to share it. That is really why I have this "blog". So I can hide behind it in order to say what I actually want to say without the burden of it being "from me". Does that make sense? Same concept as internet trolls but I'm not trying to troll, just trying to allow myself the freedom to be myself.

So anyways, I am so fucking for this movement you have no idea! But unfortunately I have not been able to be out in the protests like I would have wanted, and I don't know fucking what to say on social media. I don't know how to show that I am NOT FUCKING NEUTRAL!! But now if ever there was a time, I have to speak up. We all have to DO Something! So again, when I saw the blackout day thing I was stoked because it was something I had the capacity to do - it didn't require a post, no nothing. And I was relived it involved NOT consuming media, because I'm emotionally exhausted from it. I've been overwhelmed and at the verge of vomiting and tears at every second of everyday - so frankly I needed the break. And I know that sounds ridiculous especially considering the utter lack of "action" i've taken. I already feel guilty I haven't done more, and now I feel like I'm whining about it.

But the point is: it's really not cool, and it's a waste of everyones time and energy to berate people for participating in things like the blackout day - after new points of view have decided it's unhelpful. In the grand scheme of things, it's a day in a war that has been raging over hundreds of years. And although it may not have been the best action to take, any way you slice the argument - you know damn well that every single person who took part in it had the right intentions. Promise you no racist asshole saw those black squares and thought that the people behind them were on their side. You know we are on the same team - so why waste the time bashing it - it just makes us look sloppy. There is a whole other ocean of bigger fish to fry. Use that energy to correct the motherfuckers out there still saying "blue lives matter" and the little fuck faced asshats doing the "George Floyd Challenge" kneeling on their friends necks for fun.

Again, it goes back to it being hard to present a united front when there are so many good points of view being presented. It is not at all wrong to present all the differing points of view - so i'm not saying that it is wrong that we now know the blackout day maybe wasn't the best idea. But I feel like some of us are so afraid of weakening the movement, that we fight amongst ourselves and in turn could end up weakening the movement. And I'm not just talking about the blackout, i'm talking about the protests/riots and all manner of other things as well - but I am using the blackout as the example because I don't want to bite off more than I can chew...and I probably already have lol. But another simple example is when I commented on someones post that said basically "rioting isn't protest, and people looting and destroying property are just thugs etc. etc.". I commented something like "it's about lives vs property, lives are worth more etc etc." and then this girl commented back to me angrily something like: "No it's about police brutality and black lives matter etc etc." .......So I'm thinking like.. Sis, your right - but clearly we are on the same side so why'd you get up here and attack ME, when there's all these people up on this post against US???!!

So that's what I'm saying...we gotta stop it. And yeah, I realize that this whole post is in a way doing exactly what I am trying to advocate against...Oh the irony...it's not lost on me.

However, I think this really needed to be said, and I think there is a simple solution to the problem.

When we see things that we question the validity of, or might need correcting...take a step back before you attack. Ask yourself who's team is the person on, most of the time it will be obvious. And if it's clear that their heart is in the right place, ask yourself if it's something that is worth correcting. If it is, don't attack and present your point as if it is against or contrary to what they were trying to say. A lot of times you can present your view as an addition to theirs, and that makes both points stronger. If you are correcting something - consider that there is a correct way to do that - maybe even by messaging to educate them privately. If we continue to speak out against people on the same team trying to do the right things in aggressive ways, we look divided. We give those against us more targets to shoot at. Moreover, publicly berating people for their good intentions, can shame them into keeping silent. And when we are already shaming people who are silent whether their heart is in the right place or not... it can keep them from ever speaking up, making them effectively neutral - and thats one for the oppressors.

Stand United.

FUCK THE POLICE!

XOXO - Garbage Gal...aka Amber Diaz