Is it the END of the Fucking World?

Short answer: YES

Longer answer: Maybe, probably, definitely in a way, I don't know.

This is HARD. I haven't written anything in weeks. Shits been too hard.

I threw about 7 or 8 full blown temper tantrums yesterday and that is about 10 times too many. I'm a grown ass woman, I should be absolutely incapable of behaving that way.

But damn. It's all be too much. I don't really believe that - I know I can take it but If I'm gunna take it, apparently I'm just not gunna take it well. I don't know where to begin because so much has happened over the past few weeks that I really should have been writing to digest and keep this up to date on my garbagegal adventures. But it's because it's been so crazy that I haven't been able to write.

So the bullet points

- I was disowned by my mom

- I started working as a background actor which was really cool but crazy

- I became convinced I had to make LA work, so I became obsessed again with VanLife and I was EXTREMELY close to living in a van down by the river!

- I almost started a business with my friend busking on Venice Beach

- I almost decided I was going to go all out and start my big business idea.

- I almost gave up and decided to get a real job

- I had a conversation with my old boss that was really good but threw me into a complete state of disarray.

- I got a life altering call from my dad

- I applied and got into a school in London

- I got some good news and became super hopeful that I can get loans and make it to London

- I had to make the decision to put all my eggs in London's basket and move home so i can get my passport and everything to try and get to school.

- Devin needed to make a decision whether to stay in LA or move home as well. He chose LA and we had to scramble and find a place for him to live.

- I called someone else to check that the good news I got was in fact good news...and it turns out it wasn't.

- I read one sentence of a tarot card interpretation on Instagram that basically said not to meddle and have faith things are going to work out in the background.

- I had to make the choice to still choose London over LA with my love, even though the odds aren't stacked in my favor at all but I have to have faith like the card said.

- We had to move out of OUR first apartment. Move Devin into his new place and I had to catch a flight same day.

- I missed 2 flights and had to take one the next day (Today)...Many tantrums occurred

***A week and some change later ***

As I was writing this, I nearly fucking missed my flight from Denver to MSP. So then naturally I didn't get back to this until wayyyy later. Why? Cuz the punches keep fucking coming!

To resume...

- On the way to the Uber to take us to the airport, the bag that was carrying my fucking life - busted. So I had to stuff as much of my life as I could into a bag less than half the size, in 0.2 minutes. Needless to say - I am now "home" and I ended up with a mirror stand and no mirror - shit like that, aka. not the stuff I actually needed.

- And the big bang.... - I had to break our hearts. Meaning, Devin and I, are now "on a break"...whatever that means - more on this later. But THIS news was what was supposed to end this post a week and some change ago. Because this is big in my life. This was the big bang to me.

Or so I thought...

Here's the real banger.

I get home. like 2 days in. My mom is diagnosed with "breast" cancer.

That is life changing enough, if it were "just" cancer. But she already has SOOO many other complicated and rare diseases that are hard and scary enough. It would also be enough, if it were "just" "breast" cancer. But the truth is, they actually don't know what kind of cancer it is, and where it came from - only that it is presenting extremely rapidly and severely in the breast. But it likely came from somewhere else unknown - which means a lot of scary ass things - including the fact that her case is SOOO rare - no one - in the world probably - has any idea how to treat her. And we are in Minnesota - where apparently all doctors are idiots and asshats - especially at MAYO Clinic - of all places.

Oh and, you guessed it. The school thing wasn't going to work out anyways.

So yes, it's the end of my fucking world....and maybe everyones because with all the crazy shit my mom has going on, I'm almost convinced if she dies, she'll start the zombie apocalypse.

- Cheers!

Garbage Gal