So whats funny is that I set out to write this about washing my face and as I tried to think of a good title my mind went naturally to "Girl wash your face". Which is a book - that I have, but have only opened once and haven't seen since. YET, miraculously the point of the post is the fact that I've gone almost 2 weeks having washed my face in some capacity EVERYDAY! So it's funny to me because I did this having completely forgotten about the book that I should read. Anyways, REJOICE! Because Giiiiiirl I been washing my face. And nah bitch it hasn't cleared up, but thats beside the point. The point is, I am proud of myself for doing this tiiny tiiiiiiny bit of work each day..oh and get this! I've brushed my teeth everyday too! (I know, I KNOW) Big things are going down lol....AND - I've been doing this whether or not I leave the house at all that day! WHEW! I'm killin it y'all!. 11 days and counting.
So I am documenting this here, because I needed a reminder that I am still improving (in a very small way) despite the severe depression i'm still facing. Yesterday was very rough, today might be too. But yesterday was a fucking DOOSY, every half a minute was another passing suicidal thought. "I should just kill myself", "I should just crash this car, but I can't fuck up my grandma's car -but if it were my car booooooy I might be gone" etc.
This is fucking dark. But it's truth. And it's not a cry for help, it is just truth, and I need to express that, as that is the whole point of this damn mess-site.
So yesterday was fucked up. But I am writing this post in this "Take it from me" section, because I think it is important for anyone going through it to remember to rejoice in the little things. Because I frankly feel like a complete and utter fucking failure in every aspect of my life right now. EXCEPT, for the fact that I set out at the start of the month to commit to waking up and washing my face and brushing my teeth everyday no matter if I was going somewhere at all or not. I think it is also important to mention that at that time, I had also set out to commit to "meditating and stretching/exercising of some sort" everyday as well. And those things have been hanging out the window for some time - haven't let go yet, I do want to pick it back up. I say this because it would be so easy to dismiss my accomplishments because I didn't keep up with EVERY expectation I put on myself. But it's ok, and washing my face and brushing my teeth, believe it or not - is ENOUGH right now. It's not everything that I wanted, but it is something and it is enough, and I am proud.
And it's only been 11 days, but take it from me - it helps to have some (minuscule to others, but big to you) - thing to be proud of yourself for when everything else you've done to help yourself goes out the window.
And listen to Aurora and let her angel voice heal you.
That is all <3